Three Ways to Say “I Love You,” to Your Body

Cultivating a nurturing relationship with yourself doesn’t have to be complicated. 

You don’t need a cabinet full of supplement bottles, a state-of-the-art home gym, or the latest health tech wearable. 

Now don't get me wrong, none of these things are “harmful.” Quite the contrary, wellness trackers and greens powders can offer numerable benefits. But when it comes to feeling a deep sense of connection with your body, the gadgets and superfood mixes aren’t where the magic is at. 

I get it completely. How easy it is to confuse a connection to wellness “stuff,” for a healthy relationship with yourself. 

Speaking from experience, for many years of my life, I hid my body hatred behind external, seemingly “healthy” actions– working out six/seven days a week even when I felt ill, and following strict and rigid diets, all in the name of “self-discipline.” 

To the world I looked committed, devoted, and “health conscious,” but inside, I was exhausted, disconnected from my body, and burdened with fear. 

“If I don’t work my body to the bone, it might get out of control and betray me,” I thought. 

I mistook having sculpted biceps, for having a thriving relationship with my body. 

On the surface, my stringent daily “health” habits, appeared to be evidence that I cared deeply about “stewarding” my body well, as my childhood religion had implored me to do. But something didn’t add up. I started questioning everything.

“If this is what it means to love my body, why don’t I feel good?”

“Why is it that, although I’m doing all the ‘healthy’ things, I’m habitually depleted of energy– mentally and physically?”

“And how do you explain the perpetual sense of anxiety I feel around my body’s shape and size, even though I’m working tirelessly to maintain both?”

At the time, I didn’t have answers to those questions. But, I knew there had to be more to caring for the body, than working out constantly, and sticking to a meal plan with militant intensity.

In time, after being knocked on my back by several debilitating health diagnoses, I began to explore alternative approaches to achieving wellness. Because let’s face it, my previous method left me sicker in my twenties than I’d ever been in my life. My young adult health crisis resulted in me missing numerous days of work– due to both physical, and mental health, symptoms— car accidents, poor judgement in relationships, and financial struggles.

During this period of my life, I’d faithfully get outside for my run in the dark, before work, at 5:00am, but then have a panic attack on my drive to the office (crying uncontrollably for reasons I couldn’t articulate). 

In addition, my sleep was horrific. Most nights I clocked in only three to four hours.

“But gosh dang it, I got my run in this morning,” (my attempt at encouraging myself, after arriving at work feeling like a zombie for who knows how many days in a row).

This sounds insane to me now, however, at the time, I was doing everything I knew to try to “get better.” I threw a lot of “spaghetti at the wall” so-to-speak, hoping something would stick, and one day I would magically feel better. 

That didn’t happen. 

It wasn’t until a couple of years later, when I was catapulted into the soul-search of a lifetime, that I finally found the key I’d been desperately seeking, in all my previous attempts to heal my body. 

And guess what! The answer wasn’t more 5:00am workouts. 

It wasn’t slashing additional calories. 

My body didn’t need to be pushed harder. 

No, the remedy came in a subtle whisper, an invitation to reimagine my entire life, where the tending to the human things- physical nourishment, movement, and personal care- was done in such a way that expressed unconditional love to my body. 

I took a look at, not only the things I was doing on a day to day basis, but also the mindset from which I had been approaching caring for my body. I began to get curious,

“Could my thoughts towards my body, and my distrust of it, actually be interfering with my healing?” 

As I dug deep, it became clear to me that the health crisis I found myself in, was more about a crisis of relationship, than about the symptoms I was experiencing.

The question shifted from, “what do I need to do to make my body behave better,” to “who do I need to be for my body, in order for it to feel safe to heal?” 

I reoriented my life around practices that would speak love, safety, and gentleness to my body. The result? Deeper healing than I’d ever accomplished previously, or knew was possible. 

Turns out, self-love is a potent cure for dis-ease after all!

But I know what you’re thinking,

“Erika, that’s great and all, but what the heck does this look like in practicality? What are the simple steps I can take today, to begin to communicate more kindness and consideration towards my body?”

I’m so glad you asked! 

As I said at the start, taking back your health doesn't need to be fancy, confusing, or hard. 

So often, one of the beliefs that holds us back from our breakthrough is the notion that if it’s not “hard” to heal, it must not be healing at all. 

I see you. I’ve been there. And I wish someone would have told me that “struggling” through the healing process wasn’t a requirement.

I’m here to tell you, your transformation can flow gently and peacefully.

Healing can feel refreshing and even delightful, if you want it to. 

Alright, now that we have that out of the way, and you know that this process of coming back to feeling good in your own skin doesn’t require an intense “battle,” I want to give you a few ways to step into the role of friend to your body.

Below, are a few ideas about how to curate an environment where your body feels welcome to release what’s stuck, heal, and thrive. Ready to move that transformation “needle” beyond where you’ve been before, Friend? I got you! 

My favorite ways to be the friend my body needs, in everyday life.

Slow Your Role.

When it comes to body care, all too often, we’re in such a hurry to get to the “important” things of our day– work, chores, shuttling kids here and there– that we mindlessly dash through the moments of contact with our own skin. 

To get out of auto-pilot and into more body-awareness, I started taking thirty seconds of every shower, to soap up my feet and give each one a brief massage.

It still amazes me, every time I invest the extra minute (max) to show my feet some love, a smile involuntarily forms on my face. What’s more, when I engage in this simple ritual, I find my feet are often quite sore. Something I wouldn’t have noticed, had I not taken a moment to direct my attention to them, to say, “I love you, and see you.” 

Bathroom Break.

I know. It seems silly to even mention this in the list, but it’s one of the subtle ways I was ignoring and silencing my body’s messages, for a long time. 

And in transparency, I’m still not perfect in this area. But if my body can’t trust me to respond to such a simple need in a timely manner, how do I expect it to trust me in the big stuff?

I’m guilty of it as much as anyone. While buried deep in a business project, I put off listening to my body, reasoning to myself, “ taking a break now, will interrupt my flow of creativity.” 

When in reality, it would take less than two minutes to listen to my body, and respond to its request, and be back at my work more focused on the task at hand, no doubt. It makes so much sense, in my head, to not delay in attending to this basic body need, but in the moment, listening can feel burdensome. 

But, if I’ve learned anything in the past couple years of deep transformation, it’s that acknowledging the body when it’s reaching out, and answering its calls with loving action, is critical, if I’m to experience a trusting and loving relationship with it. 

Nightly Calm “Top Off.”

As I mentioned early, I was no stranger to sleep drama. From my preteen years into my twenties, bedtime was “wartime.” 

I dreaded crawling under the covers exhausted from the day, only to wake a couple hours later, wired and unable to go back to sleep for hours, if at all. 

Everywhere I went people knew about my insomnia. I wore my sleep issue like a badge of honor. Upon hearing my nightly woes, many would say, with compassion filled eyes, 

“I don’t know how you live off of three hours of sleep. You seem so ‘put together’ for getting such little rest.”

I would shrug it off, “I’m not very good at sleeping, it’s just the way I am.” 

In my religious days, countless times I’d drag myself to the front altar to ask church leaders to, “pray God would take the insomnia away.” 

Those prayers produced little if any results. I don’t think it’s that God didn’t care, but rather that I was unaware at the time of how my nightly habits were prohibiting me from experiencing the rest I was desperate for. 

I’d respond to “urgent” texts, (which in my codependent days was virtually every text message) while laying in bed. 

I’d offer a listening ear, while my friends recapped the stress of their day to me over the phone, until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer (also while laying in bed). 

When I wasn’t absorbed in another’s pain, I would scroll through recipe blogs on my phone, or read health articles, which only reminded me how insecure a relationship I still had with my body, and how little I trusted it. 

What a lullaby to fall asleep to! 

Recalling those days evokes a touch of sadness in me, as that version of myself didn’t know there was another way to exist in the world. She was doing the best she could, and suffering greatly. 

If you relate in any way to her, hear me when I say, things can change for you. 

It doesn’t matter how long your sleep challenges have haunted you. I lived for over a decade thinking that sleepless nights were a part of my personality, and nothing could’ve been further from the truth. 

When I set out on my journey to reimagine every area of my life to be a continual message of love to my body, it became obvious I was in need of a massive sleep overhaul.

I began to explore what it would take to make the transition from wakefulness to rest, a more welcoming experience.

And so the quest began to create a gentler bedtime routine, one that would get me excited to crawl into bed every night!

Here are some of the “pillars” I put into place, that remarkably improved my relationship with sleep, and I hope they will yours too.

To start with, eliminate all blue light exposure one to two hours before bed. Taking in blue light at night, inhibits your body’s melatonin production. Melatonin plays an important role in regulating your circadian rhythm, or your sleep/wake cycle. Without environmental interference, your body makes more melatonin at night, and less in the morning. 

Therefore, if you must expose yourself to blue light in the evening, I strongly recommend investing in a pair of blue light blocking glasses. I own a pair, and they are well worth the investment to me. 

With that being said, not all brands are created equal. What you pay is what you’ll get in quality. My glasses are from, BLUblox. This company’s products are backed by science, and therefore can ensure high efficacy. 

But, I don’t want you to come away from this thinking you need to purchase one more thing, in order to improve your sleep, today. 

Honestly the biggest bang for your buck is when you embrace a new way of being with yourself, in those hours leading up to sleep.

When you turn your attention, at night, from continual “output”– texting, social media, hammering out a few more work emails– and instead towards replenishing your body from the day’s load, you will likely begin to see positive shifts in your sleep. 

One way I like to signal the shift inward, to my body, is by practicing a brief yin-yoga routine, at the close of the day. This practice creates a runway for my body to release anything it’s been holding on to. 

Additionally, sometimes I’ll take an epsom salt bath, as a way to help my nervous system downshift into calm. 

I’ve also found comfort in doing a short loving-kindness gesture, once I’m in bed, where I simply place both hands on my chest over my heart, close my eyes, and take a few deep breaths, in and out, through my nose. 

For best results, exhale for double the counts of your inhale.

This coming home to myself, no matter what the day has held, and sending love to my body (because I’m worthy of it) has a very relaxing and grounding effect. 

Once I’m feeling relaxed, I recall, in my mind, the occasions in which I felt the most love and abundance that day. 

This practice shifts you into the frequency of joy and gratitude, in the final moments, before you drift off to dreamland. 

Oftentimes, I fall asleep while doing this exercise, which means it’s working beautifully. 

As you can see, curating a loving relationship with yourself need not be fussy. 

After all, the best memories with loved ones and close friends are often the simple moments of connection.

For instance, exploring a new hiking trail together and getting caught in an epic rainstorm, (running and laughing so hard back to the car, you can’t breathe).

Or turning on your favorite tunes and dancing with your lover in the kitchen, while preparing a meal. 

These are the moments we remember for a long time to come. The times where we were fully present and engulfed in the here and now. Where the most important thing was enjoying the experience. 

So it is in your friendship with your body.

Ultimately, the fastest way to feel more at ease in your own skin, and to say “I love you,” to your body is to simply be available for it. 

Take every opportunity to savor being with your body. Revel in your role as Receiver of the sacred messages your body sends.

After all, your body only speaks to YOU.

That’s how intimate your connection with it is.

What an honor to be able to hear its needs and have an opportunity to support its daily, self-healing, work.

This is what it truly means to live a healthy life. It always comes back to relationships. And the most important one, is the one you have with your body. 

Xoxox

-E