Getting to the Bottom of Why You Feel Stuck and Miserable in Life

Recently, I had what I call an, “energetic breakdown.”

That experience where you feel like you’re being swallowed by a dense fog.

And no one’s coming to save you.

Self-inquiry/reflection doesn’t always look like sitting on a mountain top, with a gorgeous view, scribbling away in a leather-bound journal.

Sometimes it's contending with the gloomy midst, until it divulges the true source of your unhappiness. 

And I wasn’t going home, until I knew the offender responsible for this internal chaos. 

I needed to know who or what to blame for the feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, criticalness, jealousy, irritation, despair, and anxiety that were flooding my inner terrain.

But after exhausting all the external possibilities, my pain reminded.

There was only one place left to explore, my own soul.

So, I flicked on the lamp within, and surveyed the room.

I saw a little girl, sitting on the floor in a corner, knees pressed against her chest, terrified of being without love, approval from others, and accomplishments that would prove her worth to the outside world.

That morning, Fear took off all its disguises.

And I saw the director beneath all the drama. 

I had been ingesting Fear’s subliminal messages for months now.

“What if this is all there is for you?” 

“What if you’re not cut out for this business owning thing?”

“What if the blended family stressors are too much for you to handle?”

“What if you never break free of your limiting beliefs about money and abundance?”

Okay, Fear, what then should I do?

Leave my relationship?

Walk away from my business?

Give up on my dreams?

We’ve all been there, where we feel a voice inside us is telling us to just forget it all, and jump ship on the life we’ve built up to that point.

But is it really necessary to abandon it all, in order to experience lasting shifts in how you feel, on the inside?

Because you can radically alter your environment, and find you’re no happier than you were prior to the rearranging. 

Like changing the wallpaper, over and over again, and expecting to be in a different room, you’re not going to get a different result in your life, simply by switching from one relationship to the next, one job to the next, or one house to the next. 

You must examine the frame and structure of your “house,” to see if there are any old beams (beliefs) in need of replacement. 

Explore the narratives holding the hold thing together. 

Do they support the lasting transformation you’re after?

Get clarity in your core, before moving in or out of any exterior circumstance. 

Turning inward first, doesn’t mean your job, relationships, and financial habits won’t need to be tended to, or don’t need reinvention.

I’m simply saying, you can’t know with certainty what must shift without, when the inner world has yet to be investigated.

In my encounter with Fear, I discovered that I’d constructed my life around the belief that there was never going to be “enough–” love, resources, and opportunities– to feel like I was “okay,” and that I was never going to be “enough.”

Even when the love and affection I craved would come my way, often, it wouldn’t feel how I expected it to feel. 

And I’d struggle to receive it.

Because in the opening to receive it, in the vulnerability, I felt weak and unprotected.

I feared being deemed as “unlovable,” if I was fully seen and known.

So I’d slide back into separateness and isolation, and berate myself for retreating again from the very connection I was hungry for. 

But Sister, dealing harshly with yourself will only add fuel to the fire of emotional pain.

Venture beyond what it seems- you’re indecisive, wishy-washy, or ungrateful- and see yourself with love and gentle inquisitiveness. 

Have you felt rejected or neglected ever before in your life, by someone who meant a lot to you?

Did you let their actions mean you were unworthy of love?

That you were uninteresting?

Or that you weren’t important, and didn’t deserve their time and interest?

Honor your self-protection methods, first, for doing their best to keep you safe.

Then, evaluate if they’re serving you today, now that you’re further away from the trauma they once sought to insulate you from. 

Fear is often one of the leading self-protectors.

If this has been true for you, consider how it feels to have Fear directing your life now. 

Is it getting you the outcomes you desire?

It isn’t for me anymore. 

And although I don’t have a clearly marked map out of fear, I have greater clarity about the destination I’m traveling to: abundance.

Survival isn’t the destination anymore. 

And the moment you decide living in “survival mode” just isn’t going to cut it, the path to freedom begins to form beneath your feet.

In my own life, the path unfolding consists of me redirecting my faith towards a reality where I am enough, lovable, supported, and worthy of enjoying every moment to the full.

I’m being called to make a home for my body in a new land of possibility, instead of deficiency.

But I couldn’t have heard this call, or known the direction to take, without having first sat in the uncomfortable stillness with myself.  

As James Wedmore, business guru and entrepreneur, said so well,

“When you feel stuck, is when you need to get still.”

Flick on the lamp to your inner realm, and scan the room. 

Pull out a sheet of paper and freely write whatever you see and sense. 

Write whatever (it doesn’t have to make sense) comes to mind. 

Don’t judge the grammar or sentence structure.

Let your heart speak to you without interruption. 

Remember you’re not where you are due to being too connected to your own truth.

No, it’s when we drift from our internal compass, that the waters of life start to get muddy and turbulent.

Additionally, when you find yourself needing a boast of belief in the infinite potential that flows from your center, I recommend the practice of this mantra from Deepak Chopra.

In it, he repeats again and again,

“The core of my being, IS ultimate reality.”

“The core of my being, IS ultimate reality.”

I come back to this mantra, when I feel that I’ve lost touch with this fundamental truth: external limitations are a man made creation. My spirit– my essential essence– is infinite potential.

How willing are you to believe in a world where the only thing truly holding you back is your own belief in limitations, lack, and scarcity?

You can have everything you’re willing to receive.

Love, abundance, joy, and pleasure it’s all yours for the receiving. 

Getting quiet, and pausing to survey your inner-land, is necessary to unearth the places where you’re resisting the life you say you long for. 

And as we began this conversation, more often than not, the resistance to receiving, is fueled by Fear. 

Fear of being seen for who you are.

Fear of rejection, if you put your whole-self out into the world, in all your splendor.

Fear of having an abundance of wealth in your life, because of the responsibility that comes with more, or the stigma around who you are if you have nice things, and monetary riches.

Fear of being judged lazy, or not “hard working,” if you’re not struggling through life. (“Suffering makes you a ‘better’ person,” was one insidious lie I bought into for many years). 

AND feeling fear is okay!

It’s believing it, that can cost you greatly.

You get to decide whether your fear is a life sentence, or a siren- calling you to open up your heart again, to receive the love and support of the universe.

Let the exposure of fear be supportive for your healing, not a hindrance to it. 

Temper your fear, by sipping little by little on more of the abundance within and around you. 

Allow it to guide you back into a deeper connection with the glory that resides in you, and is you, and with the grounded energy of Mother Earth, who shares generously her beauty with all.

Xoxo,

-E