Blended Family Life in My Second Trimester: Limiting or Liberating? Finding the “Medicine” in the Complexities.

The past several months have been intense, navigating a long and exhausting court battle regarding relocating my blended family. 

For over a year, I’ve had a clear sense that my time here, in Oregon, has expired.

That I’ve come to the end of this chapter. 

And when I found out we were expecting, the desire to up-root and re-root, in a new place, intensified. 

But so did the opposition (by outside forces) to that move.

And so, while not entirely conscious of it, I allowed a limiting either/or belief to roll into my mind, like a storm cloud darkening the sky.

Either, I remain where they are (my partner and his son), but abandon my desire to abide in a more energetically aligned geographic location, or I (and our unborn baby) move on ahead, and hope the rest of the family follows, eventually.  

The idea of stuffing my inner-knowing on this, felt unbearable.

However, I was also unsettled by the thought of splitting up our family across states. 

“But you can’t have it all! Life is full of compromises,” so they[people] say.

This is just how things have to be, I reluctantly thought. 

I’ve experienced first hand the health chaos that ignoring your intuition can lead to (hello barely being able to eat or go to work, because I was so unwell, in my early twenties).

Therefore, I knew my primary responsibility was to honor my truth.

So I began inquiring about the logistics of relocating, alone.

But every path I explored was a dead end. 

I was confused. 

The intuitive “download” had been clear: my baby would arrive in some place other than Oregon, and yet, nothing was unfolding as I thought it would.

This has been a theme across my pregnancy so far, learning how to open my heart, and root deeper into my connection with the unseen force(s) (Spirit, Universe, Mother Earth, Divine Love) that hold everything together, when the outer world and my inner desires, don’t match up. 

As opposed to railing against what seems to not be “working,” or what feels “unjust,” in my life.

This is new for me.

Over the past three years, there have been many occasions when I’ve felt that, being in a blended family, is one of the most “unfair” family configurations there is, especially for the childless stepmom.

When you marry someone with children,  it’s all too easy accept the stories that,

“everyone else gets to make all the decisions for your life.”

And,

“your life is dictated by a legal agreement, giving you no say in what happens.”

I’ve been guilty of buying into both lies.

Until I realized that you get more of what you dwell upon. 

The thoughts you send the most energy to, become the most powerful ones.

Did I really want a life where I don’t get to make choices for where and how I nurture this new life growing inside me?

No. 

Did I want my child to think that external circumstances have the final say on what you can have and experience in life?

No.

But if I craved something different, I was going to have to alter my thinking.

And so I started to care less and less about what seemed “realistic,” and more about living in a state of mind where everything I desired came true. 

I spent more time listening within, journaling, and in walking meditations.

Fully embodying the vision I had for my new child. 

I’d imagine giving birth in my energetically fresh, and serene, new home. 

Rocking my baby on our front porch swing, at sunset. 

Sitting around the fire pit in our new backyard, with good company, kids dancing under the stars. 

I decided to turn away from what “made sense,” and instead trust that I wouldn’t have been given the dreams and visions I had, for the next chapter of my family’s life, if they weren’t meant to be. 

By the time the final court date arrived, I felt calm.

I was certain that that which my heart desired was going to be honored.

And so it was. 

We left the courtroom with an outcome far BETTER than I could have imagined. 

My baby danced in my womb that day. 

Not just one but TWO of our dream locations were approved. 

The doors of possibility in the external world flew open, to match the reality I had created in my inner world – a climate of confidence and trust that I was going to get to grow my family in the “higher vibe” space I had dreamed of.

This experience taught me that the inner reality eventually bleeds into the outer realm.

Therefore, it’s crucial that I cultivate my inner-landscape with great care and intention. 

As a stepmom, there are a lot of “battles” that aren’t yours to fight. And that can be a really GOOD thing.

A relief at times. 

And other times, it feels so limiting. 

But I’ve found that the only limits that are absolutely certain are the ones you decide are.

Stepmom, you have no less agency than you did before committing to your blended family, regardless of how it sometimes looks and feels. 

Will your life have additional complexities? 

Likely, yes.

But you get to decide if that is “bad” or “medicine.”

The mantra I’ve adopted in the past month, that has served me well, is:

“My life contains the medicine I need.”

Blended family and all.

Court proceedings and all. 

It has challenged me to drop into my heart space, when in the face of what seems to be another “unfair” situation, where I’m tempted to start throwing blame. 

To speak up for myself, get well acquainted with my boundaries, and honor my truth.

My blended family life has made me put my health and wellbeing at the TOP of my priority list, out of absolute necessity. 

To find the quiet, unshakable, surety within that I have the ability to create whatever life I desire, like an artist with a blank canvas and a mind teeming with masterpieces. Whether I’m a stepmom or not.

It has taught me how to better take care of me, and for that I’m so grateful. 

Joining a blended family only limits you, if you decide it does. 

And I've decided to let it be medicine rather than a restraint.

Xoxo,

-E