Calling All the Healing Rebels!

Have you ever thought everything in life would be better, if only you were more self-disciplined? And by “self-discipline,” I’m talking about the drag-yourself-through-the-mud kind of grit, that says you’ve got to get out of bed at the same time every day, in order to “win” at being human. Sound familiar!? This blueprint for achieving full human potential is widely popular, and taught to both men and women alike. I wonder though, in your own experience, did the “self-discipline” method live up to its promises? Did it provide you with all the essential ingredients for transformation?

In my early teens, I followed the mainstream “recipe” for rebirth, and bought into the story of my female body being some unruly animal with a mind of its own that must be restrained, manipulated, and controlled (i.e. self-discipline) if I was to achieve an attractive, happy, and healthy life. However, this left me severely fatigued, malnourished, disconnected, and depressed. Clearly, something was missing (and it wasn’t more willpower). A whole decade went by, before I discovered the work of Alisa Vitti, author of WomanCode and In the FLO, and was exposed to the science behind why men and women need biologically tailored approaches for achieving wellness.

In Alisa Vitti’s book, In the FLO, she sheds light on the fact that society is built around the male hormonal clock, which resets every 24 hours. Consequently, for men, getting up to do the same thing, at the same time, everyday, is a reliable strategy for success. However, this is not the case for women, especially those of menstruating age, who move through one hormonal cycle over the course of an entire MONTH. If your biology is female, each day in your body is DIFFERENT. In order to feel your best, you would do well to take into account the specific needs of your brain, and critical bodily systems, throughout your 28-day cycle, when seeking to optimize your health. (1) But I digress…

The point I’m making here, is that as a woman, subscribing to healing and transformation systems built around male biology, leaves much to be desired. And taking a path to “healing” that worked for someone else, but doesn’t take into account your specific history, micronutrient needs, allostatic load, and current health challenges is a sure fire way to arrive at burnout. The healing journey begins with the relinquishment of the need to heal the “right way,” and embracing the process of finding YOUR OWN healing way.

You have the freedom to create the internal healing environment for yourself were your body is welcomed to heal exactly the way it wants to, regardless whether or not onlookers “approve.” Committing to your healing is first a commitment to go the way of your body’s wisdom. To stay the path of walking in full integrity with yourself. Pursue healing in a manner that is in alignment with your unique design and values, and watch a deep sense of grounded calm take root.

Deeper than the desire to fit into a specific “health tribe,” your body wants to know that even when it takes a path less traveled, there will be a place for it to belong. That it won’t have to trade belonging for truth. Stop trying to fit yourself into a container that requires bulldozing over your emotional, physiological, and psychological needs to “belong.” The truth is, if you cannot maintain self-benevolence and belonging within the same container, its too small for you. Healing cannot coexist with “self-tyranny.”

The destination for a Healing Rebel is no longer the approval of others. The destination is listening. Listening to the feedback of your body, and creating a lifestyle that is rich in the things that optimize your body’s self-healing systems. Your “cure” pours forth from building a way of life where your body knows it’s heard and well supported to care for you. There is no transformation “finish line,” but only choreographing your healing journeying according to what makes your body feel safe to regulate, thrive, and express its creativity in the world. Healing progress is measured by every step taken into deeper self-love and self-knowing.

So you see, the most important “healing-work” of all, is relationship building! Building a safe place of belonging and listening within, where the feedback loop between you and your body freely flows. Maintain the same boundaries with your “inner dialogue,” that you hold for communication in the most intimate of your outside relationships.

Would you allow someone to berate you because of insecurities or fears you’re still in the process of overcoming? Would you allow someone to treat you harshly when you express a need to slow down or rest, due to excessive fatigue? Just as you desire for others to hold space for you, in those moments where you need to deliver a difficult truth or express a vulnerability, give your body your full, loving, attention when it’s delivering its sacred messages to you.

This takes us back to where we started the conversation, about “self-discipline.” Tell me, what relationship of any consequence, starts with “self-discipline” as the primary premise for cultivating intimacy? NONE. No, the relationships worth their salt, are built on a foundation of trust. Trust and “self-commitment” move your healing further than “self-discipline” ever could. 

Do you trust the wisdom of your body? Do you believe that the feedback your body gives is meant to heal not harm you? Do you trust that to love yourself, whatever the cost, is the way into your most profound transformation? Are you committed to “staying with yourself,” all the way through your healing process?

Here is the sobering truth, friend: no one is going to rise to the occasion of knowing and caring for your body if you don’t. 

And you are the leading expert on your body. This doesn’t mean that healing is done in isolation. In fact, healing within a community can be transformative, when the support offered by others honors your bio-individuality and the wisdom of your body. But ultimately, even the healers, teachers, and guides who you invite to accompany you on the path to wellness, are going to look to YOU for how to heal you. Don’t expect another healer to know you better than you’re willing to know yourself, or commit to working harder than you are, on your health. 

I will leave you with this, no one arrives at rock-bock from a lack of listening to outside voices, or not being “hard-enough” on themselves. Listening is the way forward to health and freedom. It is by listening- listening to your own inner-voice, and laying down your defenses to the wisdom your body- that you learn to feel safe again in your own skin. The way of “advancement” is first a journey inward- a return to your center. It requires an acceptance of what healing will look like for you, and what it won’t look like. You’ve been afforded the opportunity to write only one healing story in your lifetime: your own. Let it custom fit you! Let it make sense in light of who you are. Allow it to breathe and move and dance like you do! Let it be written to the sound of self-love. 

I’m cheering you on, Rebel. ;)

Reference:
1. Author of In the FLO, and Women Code, Alisa Vitti- https://www.floliving.com/infradian-rhythm/